New Year, New You – Staying Positive After Divorce

It is easy to let a separation or divorce drag you down during the holidays. A split from your spouse may blindside you and leave you feeling many different, undesirable emotions: anger, hatred, guilt, fear, and frustration, among others.  Your lifestyle may be drastically different than before the separation, but that does not have to be a negative. By staying positive your life will seem better and before you know it, be better!

First and foremost, keep control of your emotions to avoid unnecessary speed bumps. Do not let your raw, in-the-moment emotions lead you towards making rash decisions. Keeping your composure is the best way to show your soon-to-be ex-spouse that you are a strong individual that will overcome this hurdle.  An amicable divorce may seem out of reach, but each party can leave with dignity—yes, it can be done!

canstockphoto12134571At a point when you have let go of the painful emotions of divorce, you can only go up. Often after the emotions have settled, people feel relief, as if a huge weight has been lifted. You have the ability to find your independence again and discover yourself. Strength and optimism can consume you as you become a role model for your children. They can follow your positive actions on how to handle life altering situations. You can become more involved in your children’s lives now that you are a happier (and hopefully less-stressed) individual, and you can enjoy them more while focusing to rebuild positive relationships with them. Through centering yourself and creating stability within your life, you are creating a stable environment for your children.

Divorce can also give you new opportunities, such as a career change, returning to a career you had to forfeit during the marriage, or maybe even going back to school. This fresh start is a license to reinvent yourself without your ex’s criticism or input, and can help you take inventory of your life and your past mistakes. Learn from your past, rediscover what is meaningful to you, and do something every day for yourself (even if only for a few minutes). Take charge of your future, and put all the energy you were using on frustration towards positive goals. Educate yourself on financial planning. Become more familiar with your own finances. Create a budget and set goals. Empower yourself! Get organized and turn over a new leaf! You might soon find yourself saying that your divorce was one of the best things that could have happened to you.

About 

Kathleen E. Shaul concentrates her practice exclusively in family law with an emphasis in divorce litigation. Prior to attending law school, Ms. Shaul taught high school English in Chicago. She is a certified Guardian ad Litem and is passionate about children’s issues.

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